Mount Greylock, MA ( Byways.org)

ONE STEP AT A TIME

One of the fondest memories of my younger years was the summer that I interned as a park ranger at Mount Greylock State Reservation in the Berkshire Mountains. The summit, which tops off at 3,491 feet, is the highest point in Massachusetts and offers a breathtaking view of five states.

I was looking for a serious adventure that summer, so I decided to pitch a tent in the campgrounds and rough it for three months—alone. Nothing stirs my senses more than being submerged in nature. The subtle snapping of a tree limb in the stillness of the woods, the pungent aroma of pine mingled with earth, the prickly sting of cool mountain air on bear skin, the taste of food cooked over an open fire all made for an exhilarating experience, except for one minor detail . . . the out house!

In the mountains, the sun descends early giving way to a thick blanket of darkness at night. Without fail, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, every evening I would have to trek 100 yards through the woods in order to relieve myself. On cloudy nights, with no moon or stars to light the way, this became a particularly nerve-wracking experience. I was acutely aware of the potential dangers lurking out there—bear, bob cat, skunks and porcupines.

My only source of navigation was a flashlight. Even then, it was impossible to see beyond a few feet at a time. All I could do was plod forward, trusting the light to lead me to my destination. Yet, in the back of mind was the gnawing fear that if the batteries died mid-journey, I’d be hopelessly lost in the dark.

Learning God's Ways

More than two decades have now passed, yet the memories of those nighttime jaunts have crossed my mind countless times over the years. It’s funny how spiritual analogies exist all around us, yet we often fail to perceive them. Looking back, I believe God orchestrated those night time walks as an illustration of an important spiritual truth--God wants us to depend solely upon Him for our direction.

Letting go of my independence has been one of most difficult challenges of my illness. By nature I am a person of high mental energy and a lot of drive. When something blocks my goal, I’m quick to devise a plan B, C, or D. And when I cannot resolve problems, I tend to become easily frustrated—with both myself and with God. When my crisis dragged on for months, I started to resent the way all my plans had been put on hold. It was impossible to project into the future or to work toward anything when my energy was consumed with just making it through one day. I even attempted to reason with God—“Look at me! I’m useless to you in this condition. I can’t even help myself, let alone serve anyone else. How can this possibly be Your will?”

Then I came across a passage of Scripture which reminded me of those night walks, and I sensed the Lord was trying to teach me something new:

After leaving Succoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert. By
day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way
and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel
by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by
night left its place in front of the people. (Exodus 13:20-22).

For more than 400 years, the Israelites had lived as slaves under the bondage of the Egyptians, until God miraculously intervened. Using Moses as His instrument of deliverance, He led the Israelites out of darkness and into the wilderness with the intent of bringing them to a new land--a land “flowing with milk and honey.” But the only way to get there was by following God's light. Through this process, I believe God was trying to develop their faith by teaching them to depend on Him one day at a time.

It can be scary to relinquish our sense of control--to find security in the Person and character of God rather than our own ingenuities. But the reward is peace. Particularly when we are suffering or in crisis and life feels like it has spun out of control, the only way to move securely through the darkness is by relinquishing our self-sufficient tendencies to God and by following His light to safer grounds. Just realizing that God was, indeed, using my suffering to develop an understanding of His ways gave me comfort and lifted my spirits. How wonderful to catch even a glimpse of how God uses the baffling circumstances of life for our good.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. (Psalm 119:105)."

Prayer: Dear Lord, sometimes I am so self-reliant. I know that your Word teaches me to depend solely on You for all things. Help me to trust You with my future--that whatever becomes of me is completely in Your hands. I can't see where this path is taking me, but I trust Your leading, one step at a time. Amen.